Bike Hide

One of the more enjoyable parts of the Carnival, other than that feeling of having experienced good living on the following Sunday (which can be dispelled quickly with a couple of Junior Disprin and a half-litre of vodka), is the Bike Ride.

Not to be outdone, we at the Alternative Carnival offer our annual Bike Hide. Yes, it's arrogant, but the object of the exercise is to 'hide' a bike in plain view of the whole of Wells and not have it noticed for a period of at least a week. I've Spotted A Bike! entry forms are available to help us whittle out the losers, so anyone can join in the fun, even if they've no bike or a sad lack of imagination.

2005's winner was an out-of-towner, Mike Frobisham, who winched this Raleigh Chopper onto St. Nicholas Church's west transept where it remains un-noticed to this day!


An amusing entry from 2003 resulted when an educationally subnormal resident mis-interpreted the event and replaced the Bolt's Close sign outside the Post Office with a large freshwater fish.

Antiques Rude Show

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Chlamydia Catching On The Quay

Bored of catching gillies? Not even sure what a gilly is?

Well, gillies are little crabs. They march inshore with the tide and back out again when the tide's receding. It's a favoured pastime to sit on the quay wall, dangling little bits of munchy stuff over the side and dragging the gillies back up to be kept in a bucket of seawater until everyone's bored of watching the big ones try to eat the little ones. It's a big crowd-puller, believe us!

And yes, that's right: Every year, at Wells Carnival, everyone catches crabs.

Spurred on by this revelation, last year we proudly held the first ever Chlamydia Catching competition on the quay. The event was, of course, adults only, and to avoid putting people in French's off their battered sausage we hired this handy marquee from Handy Marquees Ltd in which we hosted the entire event. Perhaps you saw us? If not, don't miss next year's, sponsored by Pfizer who kindly provide free antibiotics for all the winners!

Welcome to the Wells Alternative Carnival

Hey there, carnival-goer, wherever and whomever you might be! And especially big 'hey there!'s if you're a regular visitor to Wells Carnival, an annual festival of gargantuan proportions which takes place in the picturesque town of Wells-next-the-Sea in the first week of August.

Wells Carnival is great, but unknown to the majority of the public there's an entire alternative carnival going on at the same time. Kept as quiet as the Wells' wife-swapping club, the alternative carnival is a well-kept secret that we feel is ripe to be dragged from the closet and paraded in all its seedy glory. By mentioning closets, however, we must stress that we don't mean to conjure up images of hairy men in dresses and hot girl-on-girl tranny-tastic action. We're just ordinary folks looking for a little more variety to our events. (Though, come to think of it, a bit of girl-on-girl live nude mustache-related jiggling might just be a crowd-puller...)

Tune in over the next few days to be introduced to our range entirely new, never-before-seen ideas for a cracking alternative carnival, as well as a wistful wander down memory lane...